The Big Mac Behemoths


I cracked wise about catchers last Friday. For the uninitiated, I’m looking at how Maranville current players are; loosely using criteria from my Johnstone List. I haven’t followed everyone in recent years, so feel free to chime in. This time first basemen are my victims. I named them after McGwire because BP was appointment viewing when he was around.

1. Ryan Howard. Opposite field power. Hits home runs the other way more often than anyone else. Strikes out occasionally.
2. Kevin Youkilis. The Paul O’Neill of the Red Sox. If you like that, good for you. I have a temper, but I usually vent in private. 12th most patient regular in the bigs last year swinging only 39% of the time. That approach works for him, but I find it boring. It was cool when Wade Boggs took that approach, but so was Quiet Riot back then. And Kevin Dubrow is dead. One plus for the Greek God: the “Yooouk” cheer at Fenway. I consider that part of the experience. Will jaw with theump and (occasionally) a teammate. I forget if that’s Maranville or not.
3. Pablo Sandoval. Takes the opposite approach at the plate. Best bad ball hitter since Dorf. Also has a cool nickname in Kung Fu Panda. Not sure where to list him, so I picked first.
4. Derrek Lee. Dreck.
5. Adam Dunn. I think that the home run has become cheaper since I was a kid, but this guy hits long ones. His fielding may add entertainment value, depending on your POV.
6. Russ Branyan. Swings and misses 17% of the time which is QUITE OFTEN. Outside of putting a ball in play, a swinging strike is the most exciting outcome of a pitch.
7. Lyle Overbay. Latinos may be well represented in today’s game, but the only two active Pig Latinos are Overbay and Mark Kotsay.
8. Ty Wiggington. Sounds like the name of someone who attended Avon Old Farms.
9. Michael Aubrey. The O’s used to have Aubrey Huff. By this logic, they will soon have a corner infielder with the last name of Michael. This is almost as intriguing as my dream outfield of Junior Felix, Felix Jose, and Jose Cruz Jr..
10. Chris Carter. I hope that the A’s use the X-Files theme when he saunters over from the on-deck circle.

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